i find solace in writing. i write about people and things around me. but i never write a lot about myself... because there is nothing to write about. my life is as boring as my chem class. yet, it's also as complicated. i often find myself making a mess out of everything. i dont really like people. i enjoy being alone in my own world- where there's no one to mind but myself. that's why i write. because here- in my surreal mocha world- i call the shots, i make the rules. i hate risks. but i pretend i dont because people think im always in control. so i feed them with these lies. while inside, im already breaking. i pretend to be happy. but most of the time, i wish pretending could be a lot easier. i am not good at figuring people out. i get lost in their silence. there's so much in their serenity that scares me. i drown in their solitude. i hate crowds much as i hate rainy days. crowds highlight my loneliness. most of the time, i still get lost in my own world- the world i thought i have mastered years ago. i am full of crap. that's why nobody understands... nobody dares to. i am me. and im still trying to figure out how to deal with that.